I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
