did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
