Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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