i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
