She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
