So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
