She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
