Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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