Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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