the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
