what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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