so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
