When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
