just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
