watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
