if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
