Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
