sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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