I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
