the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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