i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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