cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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