wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
