I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
