Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
