fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
