so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
