she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
