There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Hippo gnu deer
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
