apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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