i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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