Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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