some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Are we still banned from the library?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
