im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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