Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
