Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
