Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
