I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
