Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
