i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I love you. Go after that dick
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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