how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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