I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
