Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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