wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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