Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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