I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
