Four minutes until I can fart!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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