I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
