she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
