am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Congratulations! We have a period
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
