i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
