and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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