OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
